THE HOLIDAY SEASON CAN BE TOUGH

As soon as the Halloween candy has been (literally) thrown into half- price bins at the stores and the shelves have been restocked with everything red and green, tension and stress come to the forefront.  With whom do we spend Thanksgiving?  His family?  Her family?  Both?  And in the case of divorce, things get twice as complicated!  No, actually 4 times as complicated, if EACH partner comes from a divorced family!  How much turkey and stuffing can one person eat, for heaven's sakes?!  By trying to please everyone and go to each house (if we are fortunate enough to have them all in the same city, which is not often the case) then we, ourselves, are overloaded, exhausted and STRESSED!  Those TV commercials of calm and laughter and/ or those Hallmark cards of one big happy family just seem to make us feel even worse, because aren't we supposed to be looking forward to spending time with our loved ones? Yes, but.............!!!
    This year is going to be a first for my family.  I am hosting Thanksgiving, as I always do, only this time, I am having my ex-husband, his wife and stepson!  Fortunately, he and I have remained on good terms since our divorce 10 years ago, but it took us 10 years to get to this place of celebrating a holiday together!  Our kids are thrilled, to say the least.  The amazing thing is that our partners aren't opposed to the idea and that's even better!  What would make the picture perfect would be if my partner's daughter, Jenny, would also be at the table with us, but her mother is hosting a big family hoopla and so Jenny will be with her.  No matter how hard we tried to have everyone, no matter how many different options we tried- changing the time, changing the day, come for dessert instead of dinner, etc.- we weren't able to make it perfect.  And that's the key to holiday planning, everyone:  don't try to make things perfect!!  Do the best you can, but don't make yourselves crazy with unrealistic expectations, because that will only bring disappointment and heartache.  One other thing that worked for us is that our kids are all old enough to include them in the discussions, so that they all felt a part of the decisions being made.  If you can, ask your kids what they would like and then come up with joint solutions that are a good compromise for everyone.  Explain to them that as much as we would like things to be perfect, or as much as we would like things to be the way they used to be, they cannot..... but that's not saying that they can't still be wonderful!!
  I will be writing my next few blogs on this topic of the holidays, and what a mixed bag they can be!  Please check in often to get some insight and suggestions on how you can still celebrate, although you may not be "feeling it."  In the meantime, remember rule #1- keep your expectations realistic!!