PAYING A CONDOLENCE CALL IS WHAT EXACTLY?

"Condolence is the art of giving courage."  Monica Lehner-Kahn

WHO AM I??

If ever you needed a reason to appreciate life, then you MUST read Scott Bolzan's non-fiction book:  MY LIFE DELETED: A MEMOIR!  He is a former NFL football player for the Cleveland Browns, who, at the age of 46, had become a very successful businessman, but in 2008, he slipped and fell in a men's restroom and completely, totally, lost his memory!!  He had been married for 24 years, but when his wife got to the hospital, not only did he not know who she was, he didn't even know what a wife was!!  He didn't know his kids or his parents, either!  Not only that, he didn't know the first thing about football or his current profession of being a successful pilot!  His entire former 46 years had been wiped off the map!!  CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE????
Doctors told him that he should retrieve his memory in 2 weeks, but unfortunately, that was not the case.  He has had to start his life anew and make new memories from that day forward.  What was most fascinating to me, while reading this, was how he was an OUTsider, looking INTO his own life!  When going back to his house for the first time since his hospital stay, he couldn't understand why his wife had to have so many pairs of shoes or why he had to have so many watches! G-d forbid this should happen to any of us, but what would we think if we had to look objectively into the lives that we've led?  Would we also think we had too many possessions?  Too large a house?  Would we learn to love our spouses, parents, siblings and friends again or not?  Scott's challenges, and those of his family, were overwhelming.  Honestly, I don't know if I could have done as well as he has, but I do know that he has given me a completely different perspective on life.  Two years later, his therapist "predicted that my biggest challenge would be to adjust to who I was now and accept that I might never know who I'd been before, to face the reality that I had experienced a death- in myself.  I should grieve the old Scott, which might take years, rather than try to bring him back."  How awful would that be, to not have a past??  This is a book that I absolutely could not wait to pick up every night, before I went to bed. I count my blessings as never before.  I'm sure you will, too.

YOUR BIG BIRTHDAY!

"Close your eyes for a few minutes and imagine that today is your 100th birthday.  Your children and grandchildren are throwing a party- and a newspaper reporter has come to interview you.  What do you want to tell the reporter about your life?  Your accomplishments?  Your regrets?  Now, open your eyes.  It's not too late- you have a fresh start on life!"
From the Book of FIVE.

ARE YOU REALLY LIVING LIFE?

"I don't want to get to the end of my  life and find that I lived just the length of it.  I want to have lived the width of it as well."
Diane Ackerman

MAYBE THE AMISH HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA!

 For years, I have been fascinated by the Amish.  After watching a 2 hour special on PBS about them recently, I now am more entranced than ever.  My kids live on opposite coasts and the only way I can see them for an extended period of time is to move near one of them parttime, as in renting an apartment.  This is both costly and inconvenient, but do I want to be with my kids?  Absolutely!  So this is what it takes to make that come true.
The Amish, on the other hand, never leave their families!  They live and work in the same communities for generations. They prohibit the use of telephones in their homes (altho they can use public phones), because they feel that if they could talk to others on the phone, then they wouldn't make the effort to see them in person.  And the reason they don't allow themselves to drive (altho they can drive in others' cars) is because they could then get jobs that might take them away from their families and communities.  Their whole way of being centers around the church, cooperation and looking out for one another.  There is no competition, no desire to have a bigger house or a bigger buggy than their neighbor, no me, me, me!
Do I want to be Amish and live without modern conveniences?  T0 be only thought of as part of a group and not admired or valued for who I am as an individual?  To have no choice but to work on the family farm?  Of course not!  But I do find myself frequently wishing we could go back to simpler times, when we weren't always rushing to get somewhere or to accomplish something, when we just sat out on our front porches with our families and neighbors and took life in, one breath at a time.  No multi tasking. No social media.
Our world was a more intimate place, and we were always with the ones we loved and cared about most.  Day after day, night after night.  Now, I am making plans to get that apartment in a new city, making other plans to travel to a different city to be with relatives for the upcoming holiday, making more plans to take care of my elderly parents in yet, another city...........yes, the Amish are probably looking at OUR way of life and thinking that we are the ones who are strange!
And I just might have to agree with them!

DO IT NOW!

"Each morning he'd stack up the letters he'd write.....tomorrow.  And think of the friends he'd fill with delight.....tomorrow.  It was too bad, indeed; he was busy today and hadn't a minute to stop on his way. 'More time I'll give to others,' he'd say.....tomorrow.  But the fact is he died and faded from view and all that he left when the living was through was a mountain of things he intended to do.....tomorrow."
Unknown (from the book of FIVE)

"LIVE YOUR LIFE ON PURPOSE"

From the book, FIVE:
 "Five years....260 weeks....1,825 days, 2,333,000 minutes.  What will you do with it?  What COULD you do with it?.......In just under 5 years, Michelango painted the Sistine Chapel; In less than 5 years, Shakespeare wrote 'Hamlet', 'Othello', 'King Lear', 'Macbeth' and 5 other immortal plays;  In 1961, Julia Child graduated from cooking school wtih a quirky idea for a TV show.  Four years later she won an Emmy as America's favorite TV chef;  At age 30, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos was living in a 500 square foot apartment.  Five years later his net worth was $10 billion."
"You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own and you know what you know
And you are the one who'll decide where to go."  Dr. Seuss

"LIFE ENDS AT DEATH AND NOT A MOMENT BEFORE"

I am fortunate enough to still have both my parents- alive and well- at the ages of 88 and 93.  I know that I am in the minority, but it's a good minority in which to be a member!  However, my siblings and I know that the time will come, probably sooner rather than later, that we have to be prepared.  It's quite a juggling act, both emotionally and mentally, to ask our parents specific questions as to their wishes should they become incompacitated and yet, not to convey the idea that we think they are close to dying!  I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be 93 years of age and know that you're lucky if you live another 7 years!
The key here is to accept the fact that we cannot prevent death and the pain that it causes, but we can make the experience better, for both the survivors and the dying.  And that means actually planning for it!
   "The dying want to be treated as living human beings until the moment they die. But often, we 'bury them alive' by thinking of them as their diseases, by acting as if they are incapable of making their own decisions, by negating their opinions, by overlooking their desires, by withholding information from them, and by omitting them from conversations.  Without realizing we are doing so, we rob them of their dignity.  While we should never deny that the dying are dying, we should also never treat them as broken or no longer whole.  Despite their illnesses, they are still whole human beings.
When our loved ones first become sick, it is easy to see them as being whole people with a little bit of disease.  As the illness progresses, however, our loved one seems to become less of a person and more of the disease.  We begin to have difficulty seeing the whole individual.  Seeing beyond the illnesses is one of the most meaningful gifts we can give them.  It is a greater gift to ourselves."  David Kessler
Probably most of us look in the mirror and wonder who that older person is looking back at us, because we still see ourselves as young and vibrant.  Well, the same holds true of those who are dying.  We need to remember that the sick and/or dying were once young, full of hopes and dreams and life.  That is who they still are, deep inside.  Neither age nor disease has taken that away........and we shouldn't either.