My siblings and I have known, and discussed, for a very long time, how very fortunate we were to have all been middle aged and to still have our parents. I am the only one of my friends to have been so blessed. In fact, I was thinking not too long ago, who else has both parents at this age? Prince Charles and his siblings ( Charlie happens to be one day younger than myself! My mother and the Queen used to call each other often during their pregnancies- just kidding!) as well as George Walker Bush and his siblings. We are all in a very elite club, of which I loved being a member. I really did. I never took it for granted.
But, we’ve been kicked out now. Our membership has been revoked. Our mother died recently (on my daughter’s birthday! She and I are going to have to discuss this when I see her!) And because our brother, Scott, preceded her in death by two months, my family of origin has now shrunk from six to four. I cannot tell you how strange that feels after 60 plus years of always being a happy and healthy group of six.
I know I am fortunate. I have always known it and yet, when life as we know it, changes course, suddenly and drastically, it is still a shock to the system. I used to tell my friends that I promised G-d that I would not be upset with Him when the bottom fell out, because I was so grateful for how long he had blessed my family and myself. I knew I was overdue. And I am holding true to that thought. On the other hand, I am asking Him why He had to pull the rug out from under me all at one time?! The weekend I was leaving to go to my mother’s funeral was also the weekend of our monsoons here in Dallas and I was very afraid that I might not even make it out of town! On top of that, I discovered, the night before my mother died, that my hot water heater had been leaking for awhile and was ruining floors! Yes, G-d, I have been blessed, and fortunate, and I’m not complaining. I’m just asking, could you not have hit me with a 2x4 all at the same time??? Just asking.
What scares my two older siblings and myself now is our dear ol’ dad. He’s 97 and has just lost his youngest child and his soulmate of 74 years, within two months of each other. Outside of his being in WWll and overseas for the first two years of my oldest brother’s life, he and my mother have not spent one single day apart. Although she didn’t live with him the last 16 months of her life, because of her dementia, she still lived within walking distance of his apartment and he would visit her daily. My heart absolutely aches for him.
And you know what? My heart aches for my siblings and myself, too, as selfish as that might sound. Dad told my mother as she was being buried that he wouldn’t be far behind her. You’ve heard of couples in long term marriages dying within hours, days or months of each other from a broken heart. It really does happen. I’ve told my dad that I know he wants to be with mom, but we just can’t handle another death so soon. I know we’re being selfish, but we need and want him here with us, for as long as he can hold out. He’s in remarkably good health, and still has his mind, but his heart? His heart is no longer in his chest. It’s up there with his wife and son.
We never told my mother that Scott had died. Our running joke is that when she got up there and saw HIM, she said, “What the hell are YOU doing up here?!” Because Scott was so much younger than the rest of us, and was like an only child when the three of us left home, Mom called Scott her playmate. They played cards, bowled together and played pool in our basement. He would have been devastated if he had had to bury her. My hope is that they are playmates once again, both whole, healthy and happy. So yes, I still see the blessings all around me, G-d. I won’t ask you for any favors, but when my parents’ 75th anniversary comes around in December, is it wrong of me to ask that they NOT spend it together?
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