YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER

"Joy and sorrow are inseparable.  Together they come and when one sits alone with you, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed."
Kahlil Gibran

DON'T BE A VICTIM OF YOUR GRIEF

   We love, we lose, we grieve.   Most of the time, we are able to heal and move on.  That doesn't mean that we "get over it," because there is no such thing!  We assimilate the loss into our lives and move forward with our new reality.
    Sometimes, though, we are unable to do that, because we become victims of our grief.  We feel that by holding onto our grief, we are paying tribute to the person or the relationship that we lost.  Not true.  We are just being a victim of our pain.  Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  Honor the LOVE, not the pain and not the suffering.  Sometimes, we have no control over a divorce, death or other loss, but we DO have complete control over the thinking that follows.
    Worden (1982) lists the tasks of grief:  accept the loss, experience the pain, adjust to the new environment and then reinvest in the new reality.  How long that takes is anyone's guess, because it's different for each and every person.  But eventually, we must find our power and release ourselves from the role of victim, because a victim cannot be healed.  We must learn to own our reality and our life.  Unfortunately, none of us has a time machine, which means we have no choice but to accept reality.  It's not easy and it's not fast.   But it can be done.   Reconnect with intimacy.  Choose life.

THE PRICE WE PAY

" To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness."
Erich Fromm