A CLASH OF CULTURES

Last night, I was watching a PBS show I had recorded a month ago, called Shunning.  It documented several former members of the Amish community who had left their families to live the "English" life.  Some had returned home, only to leave again.  One man had left and returned seven times, but eventually, left for good.  Others had returned for good.  Obviously, it's a very difficult choice to have to make!
    I have always been fascinated by this particular culture.   What I like most about their way of life is the importance of family.  They live near each other.  No having to get on airplanes and travel across the country to see each other, a few times a year. Sometimes, especially when I am really stressed out, I look at the simplicity of their lives and yearn for an earlier, simpler time- pre cell phones and email- and think that they have the right idea.
   But there are many downsides to growing up Amish.  They are very rule driven- so much so that individuality is looked down upon, because rules have been established for the community way of thinking.  One man asked, when he was younger, why things were the way they were and he was told not to worry about that.  The elders would do the thinking for him.  He was just to follow the rules.  Formal education is stopped at the eighth grade, so that they can work on the family farms.  One of the women portrayed went off to college and got her degree in nursing.  She said that had she been English, her family would have been so proud of her, but not here.  They didn't like it that she had gone off on her own and pursued her own dreams.  In fact, when the teens or young adults leave permanently, they are penalized!  As someone who considers herself a very independent thinker and doer, this would definitely not work well for me!  Mainstream Americans raise their children to be independent, so that they establish their own homes and lives.  Of course, this also has its' disadadvantages in that our kids move away.  Then, as parents get old, they are often left on their own or are put in communities with others their age, who are not family. There are trade offs to every way of life, aren't there?
    One 20 year old woman lived outside the Amish community for seven months, but then went back home for good.  As much as she said she was going to miss TV and radio, she said it was a "profound loss" to leave her family and community.  It was so interesting to watch her bind up her very, very long beautiful hair, tuck it completely under her Amish cap, tied just so (there are rules for that, also!), put back on her dark Amish dress, fastened only with pins and leave one "freer" world for the more restrictive, but familiar one of home.
   Lastly, there was a married man, who was lost in between the two worlds.  Although not born Amish, his family had moved into the Amish community when he was young.  They eventually left it, but he stayed and  married an Amish woman.  That caused a rift between him and his parents, but he eventually left, also.  He said he loved the Amish lifestyle, but he couldn't abide by all of the strict rules, so he was now straddling both worlds.  He lived the Amish lifestyle, OUTside of the Amish community!  He felt like he had one foot in one world and the other, in the other world. How disorienting-and lonely- would that be?  And the worst part was that his mother still felt estranged from him, too.
    What strikes me about the Amish culture is how strong a pull it has on its' family members.  They may leave- even for 25 years or more- but there will always be some part of them that will remain back in their communities, steeped in tradition, rules, security and most of all, family.  We could all learn from each other.