As my daughter stated so well, this is the very definition of happysad tears!  (Thanks, Jami!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=hkGzqpGx1KU

THEY'RE GRIEVING AND NO ONE DIED

Most people think of loss and grief as applying only to death or divorce, but nothing could be further from the truth!  There are NON-death losses and they can be just as devastating.  A prime example is what's going on in the Gulf of Mexico.
Every night on the news, there are different stories with different people, but all with the same result: loss of a way of life as it once was..... as it was supposed to be.  It's so painful to watch that I can't even imagine what it must be like actually living right there.
 The other night, it occurred to me how rare a sight it is to see so many grown men cry at one time. We saw it when 9/11 occurred and I'm sure there were other times, too, but they are few and far between, more the exception than the rule.  Watching mens' tears well up, while they try to quickly whisk them away, makes me want to say to all of them, "It's alright to cry.  You need to get this out.  Don't be embarrassed.  You're suffering and need the release.  Let them flow."
    When I was growing up, "big men didn't cry" and "Be a man!" were common expressions.  I'm glad that that has changed in these times, but I doubt that it will ever be as OK for a man to cry in public as it is for a woman.  Why do you think that is?
    I can tell you that we live in a society, in a culture,  where tears are seen as weakness and stoicism is seen as strength.  Even when women cry, have often have you heard them apologize?!  Why do we feel the need to say we're sorry??  Tears are a great way to release our sadness; stifling tears, stifles our sadness.  We love, we lose, we grieve, we cry. 
   In the Gulf states, GENERATIONS of family owned businesses are being destroyed right before their very eyes, while all they can do is watch.  So many non-death losses:  their way of life, financial security, physical and mental health, environmental losses, the loss of their belief systems (i.e. "we did everything right!"), the feelings of safety and security, loss of dreams....... the list is endless!
   My goal here is to make others aware that, although there may not be funerals as such, non-death losses wreak just as much havoc and turmoil in people's lives, cause just as much  grief and mourning, cause just as many tears to flow, as if someone had died.  There are no rituals for non-death losses.  Maybe it's time we started some.  

NEW SLANT ON THINGS

I LOVE the field of bereavement! That probably sounds strange to most of you out there (except for the ones who are also in this field!), but it is such a gratifying, sincere and honest place to be that I feel very comfortable here. People who are grieving, strip off their masks and become vulnerable and raw- no faking anything! Is it any wonder that the song, Masquerade, from Phantom of the Opera is one of my favorites? "Masquerade, paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you." Not so with grievers and the dying.

I have been attending seminars and conferences on loss and grief, death and dying, for almost 20 years now. The other day, I was looking for a quote from years past, and was going through all the booklets, notes and papers I had accumulated over the years. (I have enough books to start my own library!) I kept saying to myself, "Oh, I loved that quote!" or "Oh, I need to remember that!" or "Other people need to know this!"

Therefore, I have decided to add something different to this blog, in the hopes that all who read this, will be able to apply some of these pearls of wisdom to your own lives, whenever and wherever you need them. After all, what a waste to let all these things just stay, hidden away in my cabinet, when they could be helping so many people!

Today, I simply want to impart to you things I took away from a conference, led by Deirdre Felton, many years ago. She explained the meanings of the words, bereavement, grief and mourning. Literally, bereavement means "robbed of." Interesting, huh?

Grief is the UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL response to loss. Just as everyone has their own unique fingerprint, we all respond to loss in our own way, too; therefore, let's not be so quick to judge how others grieve. (i.e."she should be over it by now!")

On the other hand, mourning is the PUBLIC response to loss, such as funerals. Mourning has a beginning, middle and end, whereas grief can last a lifetime. Just know that grief and mourning are not the same thing. "Grievers are not always mourners!" Make sense?

Hopefully, whether you are tearfully laughing or crying, you will want to check in here often, so that we can companion on our journeys of life.

IS IT TOO LATE TO SAY WE'RE SORRY??

My other half and I just returned from a fabulous car trip out west to see Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse Memorial in S. Dakota and then the Devil's Monument in Wyoming. We were definitely in Indian Country and we loved it!! What saddened me, though, was how everyone knows of Mt. Rushmore (and it IS truly awesome!), but most DON'T know of Crazy Horse and it is even more impressive, both in scope and in story.

Would you believe that all four faces on Mt. Rushmore can fit INTO the head, face (and to be completed hair) of Crazy Horse, which happens to be the world's largest mountain sculpture?? When it is finished, which probably won't be in my lifetime, the carving will be a likeness of the Indian hero, on his stallion, all the way down to his waist, long hair flying back in the wind. This sculpture is to honor the culture and tradition of ALL the North American Indians, past, present and future and, IMHO, should be as well known and visited as Mt. Rushmore!

A Polish American sculpturer, Korczak Ziolkowski, was asked by a Lakota Chief, Henry Standing Bear, to design and make a mountainside sculpture to honor this Indian hero and said, "My fellow chiefs and I would like the white man to know that the red man has great heroes, also." (1939).

The Indians had been forced off their land and onto reservations, but Crazy Horse refused to live on a reservation. When a white trader asked him, mockingly, "So where are your lands now?" [that you have been forced off] ,Crazy Horse replied, "My lands are where my dead lie buried." Therefore, the sculpture has him pointing, with arm outstretched and index finger pointing to such lands. (Just to show you how large this sculpture is, when the arm is finished, 4000 people will be able to stand on it!! Ooohhh, how I want to be able to see it before I die!!)

Crazy Horse was tragically bayoneted by an American soldier, at the age of 34, while visiting the soldiers under a flag of truce! These are my tears of sadness. But seeing this incredible monument built to him and to all Native Americans brings tears of joy to my eyes, too.

The sculpturer (who is a hero on his own, but that's a whole other story! Amazing!) not only designed the sculpture, but an Indian University and medical training center in the same area! Go onto www.crazyhorsememorial.org to learn more and to contribute, if you wish, since no government funds are accepted. It is all private enterprise. The more money they receive, the faster they can finish!