FROM THANKSGIVING TO CHRISTMAS- HELP!!

Holidays can be tricky.  They conjur up memories and traditions from our childhoods- our families-of-origin- as well as memories and traditions we initiated in the families that we created ourselves, with our children and grandchildren.  Each person's journey has been unique and when trying to combine everyone's unique journey to make it one incredible journey, pleasing to all, well, that's a tall order to fill and one ripe with unrealistic expectations and disappointments!  So, here, the first of many columns to follow, are a few pointers to help both grievers and non-grievers not only get through the holidays, but actually enjoy them!
1.  If you are experiencing sadness and loss, acknowledge those feelings, but also be open to the possibilities that you can and will enjoy moments of happiness during this time.
2. If you had a recent death, you may just be trying to survive.  That's OK.  Instead of trying to do things as you always have, you could still do something, only on a much simpler scale.  Set aside traditions that are too taxing for you, and just keep one or two that are most important to you and your family.
3. "A wonderful thing about the holidays is that they encourage us to remember those we love." (Alan Wolfelt)  Even though it may hurt to remember, it makes our loved ones live on when we actively remember them.  Talk about them.  Bring up their names.  Laugh and tell funny stories about them.  Then, they will never really be gone.
4.  Give yourself permission to be different from the person you were before the loss, because you are.  Maybe you used to love the holidays and now you dread them.  Acknowledge the fact that things have changed. In the future, you will be able to also see the positive changes that have occurred in both you and your life, but take one step at a time.
5. Friends and family may want to reach out and help you at this time, but they are not sure how to do so.  Try to be honest and tell them what you want or need at this time.  If you don't want to do some of the things that you did before, tell them that it's too painful for you at this time.  Try to come up with something else, or allow others to suggest some alternatives.  In this way, you will be taking a proactive role in helping others to help you.
6.  Try not to be alone during the holidays.  More than ever, you need the love and support of those who really care about you.  By isolating yourself, you are setting yourself up for loneliness and depression.
These pointers are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to dealing with holiday grief.  I have so many more!!  Please check back often, as my next few blogs will all be discussing this topic.  And if you are not a griever, but care about people who are grieving, these will help you be a better support system for them, not only through the holidays but always.