MY STORY STARTED HERE AND LIVES ON, NO MATTER HOW FAR I ROAM

   Last weekend, I went back in time.........back to the Ohio suburb in which I was not only born, but lived the happiest childhood any child could ever have.  I felt like I was back in the safe cocoon that enveloped me so many years ago.  My younger brother and I both moved away many years ago and have raised our families in different parts of the country, so we are the most sentimental of the four siblings.  When we go back, we are armed with cameras, heading back to our childhood home, elementary and high schools, to capture the images one more time. Our two older siblings still live there, so they don't feel the same pull that we do to travel backwards.  Neither does my friend, whom I've known since I was 5 years old and who used to walk back and forth to school with me everyday.  I asked her if she felt any nostalgia and she shook her head and said, "not really."  You know why?  She still lives in the same home in which she grew up!!  She even has the same phone number! (And I still remember it, which is even more amazing!) How many other people do you know that have done that?  She is the only one that I know!  So, everytime I go back to see her, as soon as I walk into her house, I feel like I'm a kid again!  I love that!
    My best friend from high school and I went out to lunch one day and had a long talk about modern technology and how we both feel it's getting to be too much for us.  While I was out of town, I never even checked my email.  That would be blasphemous to my kids, but to me, it was so liberating!  I just seemed to melt right back into that safe cocoon of home, memories and being surrounded by my best friends and siblings.  They are all healthy, happy and safe.  May it always be so.
    It's a rare occurrence that my siblings and I get to spend quality time together, without our kids or grandkids. This was one of those times.  We stayed up late every night, talking and laughing until tears rolled down our cheeks.  I felt like I was at a sibling slumber party.  What fun!!  Then, we would start out each day, walking together, in the old neighborhood.  We would say, "Such and such lived there.  Whatever happened to them?" Or "I thought our driveway had a much higher incline that that.  How did we sled down it the way we did?"  I think my sister-in-law, a native Floridian, was probably bored out of her mind, but she's been in the family long enough to have been a great sport to listen to our constant reminiscing!
    All in all, those few days put me back to a much simpler time, where friends, family, school and home were my whole world and it was awesome.  Don't get the wrong idea.  I love my adult life, too, especially because my kids are my reason for being (!), but every once in awhile, it's good to go back in time and realize that you are who you are today, because of where you came from.  And I came from a pretty cool place!  Thank you, Mom and Dad!!

SERIOUSLY FOLKS?!

   As I write this, it is the last day of the month of August.  Never again will it be August 31, 2013.  It is still 100 degrees where I live, and although  kids have gone back to school, it still seems like summer.  Well, until I walked into my neighborhood Hobby Lobby store!  I could not believe my eyes!  I was greeted with Halloween witches and goblins, Thanksgiving turkeys and pumpkins and lo and behold, Christmas trees and ornaments!!  Are you kidding me?  And to make matters worse, I went to Costco a week later and was not only met with Christmas trees and wrapping paper but with Christmas music playing!!   Really?  Why??  What is the point of rushing life?!
   I'm a bit superstitious when it comes to planning too far ahead.  I won't even mark the days off my calendar until it's past midnight on that day and is really, truly, the next day;  not even 10 minutes before midnight.  Otherwise, I feel like I'm rushing my life away!  So, when I walked into Hobby Lobby and saw three holidays all rolled into one- two fall holidays and one winter- when it's still summer- I was a bit miffed.
   The crazy thing is, Fall is my very favorite season of all!  You'd think I couldn't wait for all of these displays, but that is not the case.  I want to celebrate Fall when it's Fall, or at least when the calendar has turned to September.  It seems as if the bottom line is money and stores want to make their quotas earlier and earlier every year.  What a shame, because then the holidays become more about that and less about traditions, family, love, togetherness, etc. etc.
   Working in this field of grief, I know that when people are sad and grieving, the holidays only make them feel worse, because they are without their loved ones.  So, altho the stores may think they're doing everyone a favor by starting early, they may be having the opposite effect.  Grievers will now start dreading the holidays when it's still summertime!  How fair is that?!
   We often complain that our lives are too busy and complicated.
Well, we can actually do something about that.  Let's slow down, enjoy each day for what it is, and realize that it will never be here again.  Capture each moment.  Hold it in your hands.  And then let it go so that you can capture the next one and the next one and the one after that.  Life is a series of moments- not days or years. Just moments.  Here.  Now.

"LET'S NOT LOSE TOUCH WITH ONE ANOTHER"!

    Lately, I've been reflecting on how many times this statement has been said to me or I've said it to others.  Alot.  The sad thing is, that the intention is always genuine.  We have strong friendships or relationships with other people that we want to remain strong, but for many reasons, mainly time and distance, those ties unravel.  I find it sad, because I really like all the people with whom I've lost touch.
   I went on a Tauck tour a couple of years ago to the Canadian Rockies.  It was fabulous!  For those of you who don't know what Tauck is, it is a wonderful travel company that puts together the most outstanding tours, with very little effort on your part. Anyway, we met the nicest people, from all over the world, several with whom we vowed to keep in touch.  We did so, with one couple from New York.  Other than that, not one person has emailed, nor I with them.  How sad!  We spent 10 days together, all day, everyday, and I genuinely liked these people.  Blink.  A moment in time.  That's all that was.
  I had a financial advisor for over 10 years that was like a friend to me- both he and his assistant.  I adored these two people.  Then, for various reasons, I had to leave them and go elsewhere.  We promised that we would all stay in touch- no hard feelings.  We tried for awhile, but it couldn't be sustained.  Poof.  Over.
My guy and I recently, mutually, ended our 12 year relationship.  I adore his family and they felt the same way about me.  So, we all vowed to never lose touch with one another, because I was like part of their family.  Our intentions were truly heartfelt.  I also know that lots of things come into play, like allegiances to the true family member and long stretches without seeing each other anymore.  We all want to act as if everything will stay the same.......but it won't......because it can't.  Without alot of effort on everyone's parts, our attachments to one another will die a slow death.  Very sad.
   There are so many kinds of relationships people have with one another, but no matter what kind they are, when they end or wane, they leave a hole in one's heart.  Thank goodness for the memories!  Happy sad tears.

BEAUTY, AGING AND MIDLIFE- PART 2

Another fabulous read for women is a book I found at Anthropologie, called BACKWARDS IN HIGH HEELS by Tania Kindersley and Sarah Vine.  It is an international bestseller, and I can see why! It is such a fun read!  It's irreverant and witty, as it addresses all of the issues we struggle with.  Here is just a sampling: love, food, career, men, health, dressing and shopping, motherhood, age, beauty, sex,  and more.  Because of my previous post on aging, I thought I would quote some of the pearls on that same subject but from this source, beginning with my favorite one:  "The term, 'anti-aging' is one of the more nonsensical of the modern age.  It's like saying anti-breathing or anti-the-planet-turning-on-its'-axis."  I mean, who are we kidding?  We are ALL aging, unless we're dead!
   "There is nothing wrong with beauty itself.....and nothing vain or shallow in wanting to make the best of what you were born with......but no one worth loving is going to care a lick that you look five years younger than your actual age or have no wrinkles.  The ones who love you properly will not give a damn that age is leaving the traces on your face.  What they care about is that you make them laugh so much that their stomach aches with it, and that they can call you up when they are caught in melancholy, and that you make the best chicken soup.  Those are the things which are the true beauty, the one that lasts, the one that means something.  They are the only beauty that actually matters."
   "Think of the old people that you really admire.  The octogenarians you most adore will still have curiosity, enthusiasm and jokes in abundance."  Personally, I am blessed to have three older women in my life whom I love and admire so much.  One is 93, one is 85 and the other is 81 and the word that comes to mind when I think of all of them both is spunk!  They are still grabbing life by the tail, wrinkles and all.  They are what I want to be when I grow up!!

"BEAUTY: WHAT'S AGE GOT TO DO WITH IT?"

If you've read any of my earlier articles, you will know that I am an avid fan of More Magazine, the magazine for "women of style and substance."  I was first introduced to it as a magazine for women over 40, so that's what drew me to it, because I doubt whether I have either style OR substance!  But I love the article I just finished reading on the plane.  (I read books when I go to bed, magazines when I travel and audiobooks when I'm in my car everyday!)
Judith Sills, Ph.d. makes a distinction between youth and being young.  "Youth is a life era, from birth to 30 something.  Being young is an attitude," and is something we should hold on to until we die!  She says that simple things like getting our nails done, our haircut (or letting it go silver!) and putting on some lipstick can make us more willing to go out into the world and connect with other people.  This is my favorite part when she is asked about wrinkles: "Stop thinking about yourself so much.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you can to look great.  But once you've done that, stop looking at yourself and look out at the world.  It's where everything interesting and exciting is."  I so love that!
She also hates the term (as do I!) "age appropriate."  This only serves to confine women and connotes negative expectations of what we should do, wear or look like as we get older.  Phooey! (That's me talking, not her!)"'Age appropriate' never envisions older people having fun."  She ends with:  "The more invested you are in life, the less worried you are about what other people think."  Amen to that!  Aging to me is liberating!  I don't have to look like I'm 25 anymore, because I'm not!  I don't Botox, I don't wear Spanx and I wear my "good" jewelry and my bling everyday, because I don't like anyone, especially society, telling me that I have to subscribe to a certain way of being, because I'm middle aged. As one of my favorite characters- Popeye- used to say, "I y'am what I y'am!"

The Timekeeper Part 2

"We all yearn for what we have lost, but sometimes, we forget what we have."

TIME

I am listening to the best audiobook right now:  The Timekeeper by Mitch Albom.  I was hooked from the very first sentence, because it is read by a British man with the best voice and coolest accent!!  But the fictional story is so powerful!  I actually had to stop the car and write down some notes and I've only just begun!  Mitch tells us, his readers, to realize how much we keep time:  the year, the week, the day, the hour, our schedule, our dinnertime, when to meet, etc. and then HOW we keep track of time:  digital clocks, cell phone clocks, oven clocks, watches, etc.  Yet, time keeping is ignored by other species.  Dogs don't care if they're late for dinner, birds don't care if they're late flying somewhere.  "Man alone measures time.  Man alone chimes the hour and because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.......of time running out."  I absolutely cannot wait to get into my car tomorrow and pick up where I left off!  (You would be amazed how fast you can listen to an audiobook, just by running your everyday errands, or going to and from work, in the car!)  Oh, and I saw the book in Costco  today, so if you can't listen to the audio, please pick up the paperback!  I'm sure I will be stopping the car to capture more pearls of wisdom, in a timely fashion!