WHO SUPPORTS YOU WHEN YOU ARE GRIEVING?

    When we grieve, whether our loss be a death, divorce, move, retirement, health issues, aging or a hundred other losses, we realize that we can't do it alone.  We might start out wanting to go into hibernation mode, get into bed and pull the covers over our head, but that works only short term.  Eventually, we all learn that we need others to be there with and for us,  who will "sit in our puddle with us."  (thank you, Barb Petsel).
    As I travel this road of loss of health for several family of origin members, I am surprised, thrilled and disappointed- all at the same time- at my support system.  I would put my oldest friends into the lower, disappointing category,  a couple of newer friends into the surprising, but "glad to have ya!" category and move up to the highest rung possible, my siblings and kids.  My kids have always been #1 in my world, and they remain so, each and everyday of my life, so their support has always been and will always be stable, thank G-d!  My siblings and I (I have three), have always had a wonderful relationship with one another, but because we are spread out across the country, we didn't really stay in touch on a frequent basis.....until now.
    Our parents have just made a very traumatic, but necessary, move from Florida to Ohio and my mother's dementia has taken a downward turn with that.  Thank goodness that two of my siblings love close by to my parents' new abode, and go over there everyday to check in.  These siblings (a sister and brother), also write my other brother and myself, who both live out of state, daily journal entries by email that are both comical and poignant.  I'm disappointed when I don't see an email from them!   My sister, who never relished talking on the phone before any of this, actually called me two days in a row, early in the morning, to vent.  How I loved that!  I felt closer to her than I ever had before.
    A few years ago, we all made a pact with one another that we would remain a united front, when it came to anything having to do with our parents.  This isn't to say that we don't have different opinions, because we definitely do, but, but if that IS the case,  we always come to some kind of consensus.  It was so interesting and heartening, that with this move, we all just, almost naturally, took up our "command posts," in handling different aspects of the move:  furnishing their new apartment in Ohio, selling their house in Florida, working with the residential facility in Ohio or with the senior transition agency in Florida.  We all had our own responsibilities, but always, conferred with each other throughout it all, never having to handle anything alone.
    As if the move and dementia wasn't bad enough, unfortunately, our youngest brother found out, at the same time, that his cancer has returned for the third time.  Who do you think writes the funniest medical updates of anyone?  He does!!  Don't ever underestimate the power of humor with loss!  It is one of the best, but most unused tools that we have to get through grief.  It is such a vital aspect to maintaining one's sanity!  I cannot tell you how many times I have laughed through my tears!
    I have heard horror stories from other families and how adversity split them all apart, some permanently.  What a shame and a waste of life!  As we grow older, time and relationships become front and center and more valued than ever before.  For those of you who are "only children," and have had to bear your parents' medical problems, having no siblings with which to share your burden, I do hope that you have cousins or other important people in your life to be there for you and with you.  Family is not just the family you were born into.  It's also the one you created yourself with a spouse or partner, or the one you developed through friendships.  Whatever your family configuration, I hope that they are there for you, through the good times and the bad, because you cannot and should not travel this road alone.
   "When you can't see the cables on a bridge, because of fog, you know the supports are still there.  Who are your 'cables?'"  Harold Ivan Smith.