SAY IT NOW, NOT AT THEIR FUNERAL!

  My father-in-law, Henry Saunders,  who died over 20 years ago,  was a well known and very well respected pediatrician in Cleveland.  Generations of families took their kids to him, which always made him proud that that was so.  Although he wasn’t a warm and fuzzy kind of guy, he was loved by all.  I definitely attribute my love of parenting and my interest in the study of  families, ( master’s degree in family studies) to him.  He didn’t just treat the kids physically, but he addressed the whole family, helping the parents to become better parents.  I loved observing how he did that, especially because that was not my experience as a child who went to a “scary” pediatrician.

   Dr. S. absolutely loved what he did.  I have never seen, before or since, a doctor on call, seven days a week, but he was.  The phone never stopped ringing- at his home!  And it never bothered him.  Because he loved his work and his patients so much, he would not retire…...until he finally did at the age of 80!  And when he did, there was a huge celebration for him at Case Western Reserve, put on by his patients, would you believe, where they named a scholarship after him.  The wonderful things that people said about him and to him made a big impression on me.  I remember thinking how great it was that he was alive to hear all these wonderful sentiments!!

    Ever since then, I have been on a silent mission.  I attend funerals, as do all of you, and I always think to myself how wonderful it would have been had the deceased been able to hear what people thought of him/her while he was still alive.  Not only that, but I usually come away from the service thinking that I wish I had KNOWN all these things about him while he/she was still alive.

   My younger brother, whom I have written about, is battling cancer now for the third time.  As awful as that is, he is fortunate in that he has a huge support system, because of his profession as a very well known DJ in Orlando.  He has decided to keep his listeners informed of his progress on his facebook page and on the radio’s website- (mix105.1/scott). Whenever he posts anything,  in a matter of minutes, he has hundreds (we’re talking 700 plus!!) of well wishers, saying the most unbelievable things!!  They make ME cry, so I can’t even imagine what they’re doing to Scott, and some of them are also multi generational listeners, just as with my father--in-law.  Scott is humbled, surprised and incredibly thankful to have so many people in his corner.

   I told him of my “living funeral” concept and how happy I am that he is alive to hear how loved he is.  As he battles back to health, he will have those dark days (hopefully, very few!), but he can always just prop up his laptop or ipad and read through all the lovely thoughts and feelings that his listeners, family and friends have for him.  Then, those dark clouds will part to allow in those rays of sunshine, his many supporters.

   My message here is not to make you throw a party for yourself, so that you can hear nice things, (well, on second thought…..) but to think of creative ways that you could let the ones you love, especially those who are ill or elderly, know now, before it’s too late,  that so many people love them and have been influenced by them in ways they never dreamed possible.  Can you just imagine what that would do for their spirits?  Hold their “funerals” now, so that when the time actually  does come for the funeral, even if it’s years and years in the future,  everything will have already been said…….and the deceased will have heard it!