THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

   I am blessed.  And I know it.  I’ve never NOT known it, but  it really came into sharp focus when I went back to my hometown of Columbus, Ohio in April to be with my entire family of 30!  (When G-d said be fruitful and multiply, my sister and her kids took that very seriously!)  My parents flew in, with the help of my brother-in-law, from their home in Florida, where they retired 25 years ago.   They live on a golf course and my dad, who ate, lived, breathed and slept golf my entire life, even up to six months ago,  told me once that , living there, he felt like he was at summer camp!  They love Florida, their lifestyle, their home and their friends.  They had no regrets about leaving Columbus and really, had no desire to go back, despite the fact that so many family members still live there.

   But nothing remains the same, no matter how much we wish it did.  My 90 year old mother has dementia and it’s getting worse.  We have begged my dad, aged 95, over the last year or two, to go back to Columbus to the retirement facility where some of their friends still reside and where he would be close to his kids, grandkids and great grandkids.  They also bought their burial plots there, 50 years ago.  He wouldn’t hear of it.  The cold weather was a big drawback and he was afraid he would be living “in a cage” - not appealing to someone who has enjoyed his independence and his own beautiful, spacious home for such a long time.  But he was now more open to the idea than he had ever been before.

  So, my three siblings and myself set up an interview and tour of the facility when we were all there.  Fortunately, a lovely two bedroom, two bathroom apartment was instantly available!  It was so new that I could smell the carpeting!  There was so much light in the place, because of the large picture windows that looked out on the trees and running creek, that it couldn’t have been more inviting.  I whispered to my dad, “See, Dad?  You won’t be in a cage!”  We walked out with the woman who was in charge and he turned to her and said, “I love it!  I’ll take it!!”  Well, I started crying, ran up and hugged my dad, who also had tears in his eyes (I’m the emotional one in the family!)  We had been wanting this for so long and it was actually going to happen!  What a relief!  

   Yes, I am blessed, beyond belief.  I am the only person I know, my age, who still has both parents.  They have been married 72 years and aside from the dementia, they are both still physically OK, altho my dad admitted that when he gave up golf (because there were no more friends to play with!), he aged 10 years!  He told me not long ago, “sometimes you can live too long.”  That broke my heart, because I know HIS heart is breaking, seeing my mother change right before his eyes.  She still knows him, thank goodness,  and knows us kids, most of the time, but she’s not the wife and mother she was.

   I told my dad he has an unusually good, not to mention, rare,  situation here.  He’s moving back “home” where it all started, he knows lots of people in the facility, he has lots of family that all live within a 5 mile radius and they are so loved, that their family actually wants them to move back!!  Yes, the weather will be a change, (would you believe it actually SNOWED the day we were all leaving??  Couldn’t it have waited until my parents had gone back to Florida??) but look at what he’s getting!  Nothing is 100% perfect, but this is about as close to that as one can hope for.  I should only be so lucky when my time comes!

So, stay tuned. I will be writing about this whole experience of moving elderly parents from a home that they love into an apartment and from a city that they love for the warm weather into the colder climes but to be near family. Moving is stressful at any age, and to be in one's 90's and have to move is going to be stressful beyond measure, but I know it is the right thing, for all of us...... because life is a circle.