THE HOLIDAYS CAN BE STRESSFUL.....OR NOT!

Yes, it's that time of year again!  What does this mean for you?  Happiness?  Stress? Anxiety? Anticipation? Sadness?  All of the above??  I think what adds to all these feelings is the fact that holiday decorations and focus on buying gifts begins in September!  Even before Halloween!  I heard my first Christmas song on the radio just yesterday, a week before Thanksgiving and of course, Black Friday, is now ON Thanksgiving Day, for heaven's sakes!!  OF COURSE, WE'RE STRESSED!
   Well, I'm here to help try to alleviate some of that for you, compliments of Barbara Petsel, LPC.  These are especially true for those of you who are, unfortunately, grieving at this time of year.  It's not all tinsel and bright lights for you, is it?  Let's see what we can do about that.
1.  Focus on what is  most important to you about the season.  Is it the food, the social, religious aspects or something else? Don't try to do everything!  Pick and choose! (Ex- holiday baking, wrapping gifts, cleaning the house, office or school parties, holiday cards, etc.)
2.  Review past traditions and rituals and ask yourself, "Is this a want or a need? Do we do these things out of habit, tradition, free choice or obligation?"
3.  Evaluate what you want to keep or change and then discuss this with your other family members.  Maybe this is not the year to do things the way you've always done them, because it's too painful.  That's OK.  Maybe you'll go back to those next year.  Maybe not.  It's your choice.
4.  Define your boundaries, no matter what others try to tell you you should do.
Only you know what feels safe for yourself.
5.  Whenever you get anxious, imagine a place you once felt safe- the smells, sounds, feelings and sights.
6.  Tell yourself, "I can do this!"
7.  Remember this:  you can only control your own decisions.  You cannot control how other people REACT to your decisions!
8.  Deep breathing lowers your pulse and decreases anxiety.
9.  Don't blow off exercise or just walking. Self-care is so important.
10. Get rid of trying to make things perfect.  Things are gonna happen!  Laugh about it!
Last but not least, fill your tank up with as much self love and compassion as you possibly can.  BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!  Enjoy the holidays in ways that work for YOU!!  You are your own best advocate!

IT'S ALL A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE

I was just in NYC with my daughter and had the distinct pleasure of spending a wonderful evening with a Nepali friend of hers, her friend's boyfriend and her father, who was visiting from Nepal.  It was so interesting talking to her dad, especially because this was his first visit to the USA!  One of the first things he said to me was also one of the most fascinating:  he could not believe how QUIET it was in NYC, [compared to Nepal], because there were hardly any honking horns!!  I, on the other hand, have always told my daughter that one of the things  I really DON'T like about NYC is the honking horns!!  Isn't it interesting how different our perspectives are?
Then, when I told him how difficult it was for me, having my kids living on opposite coasts, he said to me:  "try having them live on different CONTINENTS!  While this particular daughter lived in the USA, his other daughter lived in Australia!!  Australia took him 10 hours to get to from Nepal and NYC took him 20 hours!!  I told him I will never complain again about my kids not living closer to me!  Not only that, but his daughter told me that she had once gone 3 years without even seeing her parents!!  3 years??  I go crazy going 3 months!!
   Lastly, in the Nepali culture, children would never THINK of putting their parents up in hotels or nursing homes or retirement communities!  No matter how small their living quarters, (and you know how small NY apartments can be!), when parents come to visit, the whole family stays together.  And they come for weeks at a time!  It's plain ol'  r-e-s-p-e-c-t.  No if's, and's or but's about it!  Wouldn't we all go nuts if we had to live with our grown families for more than a week at a time??
   I have always loved seeing how different cultures function, from the Amish to the Asians to even how Americans in the South live and think differently from those in the North!  If only we all could just look at these differences as something to be admired and valued, rather than judged and criticized, I think this big wide world would be such a better place to live.......and we would all be the better for it!
 

OH HAPPY DAYS!

Want to know what makes a BLISSFUL day for me?  I have been fortunate enough to have 9 in a row, this past week!
1.  Perfect 70 degree weather in the city I'm visiting, which, this time, happened to be NYC.
2.  Spending most of everyday, for an entire week, with my daughter in NYC, where she lives.
3.  Going on a 2 hour bike ride on a cool, overcast day (with her)
4.  Outlet shopping (with her)
5.  Getting our daily Starbucks together
6.  Spending an hour in Sephora (with her)
7.  Getting manicures side by side
8.  Working out together, while introducing her to new songs on my ipod (not the other way around!)
9.  Going through her wedding box of souvenirs, reliving every moment
10. Spending lots of one-on-one time with my son-in-law
11.  Watching him cook for me, while enjoying every single bite
12.  Watching him WANT to clean up afterwards!  (It relaxes him!)
13.  Playing my favorite game of Mexican Train with the two of them
14.  Coming back home to a 24 hour day of beauty products on QVC
15.  Taking a long bubble bath after stressing, trying to make plane and hotel reservations for 2 hours, online
16.  Waking up to a dark, cloudy morning on a weekend, able to stay in bed and watch the morning news.
17.  Relishing an entire rainy weekend, if I don't have anywhere I have to be
18.  Going to my 2 favorite local Starbucks, which have both just been remodeled beautifully
19.  Making myself a wonderful lactose free, gluten free healthy breakfast
20.  Hearing my good friend tell me that I'm the happiest person she's ever seen (see above list as to why that might be true!)
I wish days of bliss- whatever those might be- for you, too!

INSPIRATION FROM AN OLYMPIAN

You may not be familiar with the name, Oscar Pistorius, but you have probably heard his nickname, "The Bladerunner".  This inspirational human being was born with a genetic defect in his legs, so severe, that both legs had to be amputated below the knees, when he was only 11 months old!  Several months later, he was fitted with prostheses and went on to live a normal life, thanks to his parents, who did not believe in pampering him.  His mother would say to his brother, "Go put on your shoes," while, at the same time, she would tell Oscar, "Go put on your legs!"  Now, he is an Olympian!!  Unfortunately, his mother died when he was a young teen (as if he didn't have enough heartache as it was, right?!)  When interviewed a few days ago about that, his reply was this:  "Don't mourn the time you don't have with them; celebrate the time you did."  An inspiration in more ways than one!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!

OK, get this.  Yesterday was my dad's 94th birthday!  I had exactly a 45 minute window of opportunity to get in touch with him.  Why?  Because he was either golfing, playing cards (in the morning), or going out to dinner and playing cards (in the evening)!  And I thought MY life was busy!!  Not only is he physically active, but mentally, too!
I first TEXTED him in the morning to wish him a happy birthday. Then, during that open 45 minutes of opportunity in the late afternoon, we SKYPED!  He told me then that he couldn't keep up with all the people who were wishing him a happy birthday on his FACEBOOK!!  Whenever he had an moment here or there, he was playing words with friends on his I-PHONE with my daughter!!  He is UNBELIEVABLE, YES????  It makes me burst with pride, not to mention awe, to see how engaged with life he is!!!  Many, many more happy birthdays, Dad!  I love you!  BTW, did you pass down any of those genes or did you keep them all to yourself??

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!

I was watching the Today Show today, as I do most everyday, and there was a segment by Jane Pauley on aging.  She interviewed a man, who, when he was going through a divorce and depression, he went to the beach to de-stress.  Being a carpenter, he decided, just on a lark, to build a sandcastle.  It was therapy for him.  Now he has commissions all over the world as a professional sand sculpturer!  But it was his words, even more than his beautiful work, that really got to me.  He said, "If you're really dissatisfied, find something that feeds your soul, that gets you excited.  Don't quit your job."  (Altho he did, after 6 months!)  "Just make it a bigger part of your life, because that's going to give you the balance that you need."  He loves doing what he does, especially because he is always surrounded by happy people, who are in awe of his work, as am I!  He said, "It's so intoxicating.  I had never had those moments before in my life." When he was asked what happens if the sandcastle falls down, his answer was, "Things collapse, just like in life.  You just start all over again."  His only regret?  He didn't start doing this until after age 50.  The lesson here:  start early in life making time for the things that truly bring you joy!

EXCLUSIVE CLUB, INDEED!

I was talking on the phone yesterday to my best bud from high school. We only chat about every 4 months or so, but when we do, well, her husband said it best when he answered the phone:  "I'll go get her and some iced tea, because she's going to be sitting on the porch for an hour!"  I love how we can just pick up wherever we left off, so many months prior!  I know this is rare.
   Something even more rare is what she commented upon:  I am the only one of her friends (we live in different states) that still has both parents alive and well!  I never thought of that!  Come to think of it, I told her, I am the only one of MY friends, too, who has both parents living!  The youngest of my sibs is in his mid 50's and the oldest, is in his upper 60's and for all of us to have our parents still around, is, well, amazing!!
    My dad commented the other day that he and my mom now have 10 GREAT grandchildren and one more on the way!!  Are you kidding me?!  My parents knew nothing about their own grandparents, not even their names!!  Then, their own parents, my grandparents, were all deceased by the time I was 12, so my memories of them are minimal.  How crazy is it that we mid-lifers still have our parents, which means that our own kids, who are all in their 30's and 40's, still have their grandparents, and vital ones at that??  My gosh!  If each generation continues to live so much longer than the ones before, get ready, kids!  I'm stickin' around till I'm 125!!  I know my son-in-law loves me, but even he might be thinking I've overstayed my welcome!  ha!
   Well, as my mother turns 89 on Friday, I wish her a very happy birthday, and many, many more, to be sure!