I'M ON A MISSION!

     And what might that be, you're probably asking?  It's to bring loss and grief out into the open, out of the scary, dark corners where it usually resides deep in our souls.  Why are we so open and carefree when we talk about our joys, but feel the need to retreat and hide when we are sad and grieving?  Love and grief go hand in hand.  They co-exist.  And yet, it is so much easier to talk about one and not the other.  Why is that?

      Here's why.  Because back in the early 1900's, families lived near each other, on the same street or even in the same house.  Everyone was exposed to death as it happened.  Children were not shielded.  They witnessed and grieved right alongside the adults.  There was a natural network of support and community. Death was a normal part of the life cycle.  It still is!  
   BUT we have traveled far away from our families today.  Where is home?  Where we grew up?  Where we raised our families?  What are our obligations toward one another today?  Who takes the lead when it comes to death and dying issues?
  And in this modern age, how do we even know who's grieving?  We certainly don't wear black armbands to show the community that we are mourning.  We don't wear black for a year like we used to back then.  We are expected to go back to work after three days!  We attend funerals and then, quickly, go back to our own lives, hoping, that the bereaved will also be able to go back to theirs, sooner rather than later.

   What a shame.  Grievers don't know if they're "doing it right."  Those who try to support them, don't know "the right thing to say or do."  No one is getting their needs met!  That's because we live in a death denying society.  Let's not talk about death, then, it won't happen to us.  "Because we don't talk about grief in our culture, we have personal and global backlogs of unheard and unspoken grief.....We have an epidemic of unspoken grief.....The gag order on pain is everywhere."  

Megan Devine in It's OK That You're Not OK (my favorite book on the subject and highly recommend!)

    I hope that you will tune into my blog as I do my best to bring loss and grief out from the shadows, both as an educator and as a griever.  This just has to end.  Too many of us are hurting and we think that we're crazy or abnormal.  Trust me.  We are neither.  We are grieving.  And we have lots of company.  We are not the only ones.  It just seems that way.

   Until next time.....