IF THERE HAS TO BE DIVORCE....

    I was married for 30 years to a wonderful man.  We had two incredible children that have grown up to become even more amazing adults.   They have done us proud.  For reasons that will remain private, we divorced.  The first year or two post divorce was tricky.  Feelings were hurt, new people came into our lives and we were both trying to feel our way.  Our kids, altho both in their 20's, were also struggling with the new arrangements.  Divorce is never easy on kids, no matter how old they are.  They tried so hard to make sure that the time they spent with each of their parents was exactly 50/50.   How difficult that must have been for them!
   But here we are, 13 years out, and my "once upon a time husband" and I are still very much in each other's lives.  We both decided, from the get-go, that we were not going to drag each other through the mud.   That meant, we were not going to say anything negative about the other to our adult children.  To this day, we have kept that promise.  And because of that, we are still that core family that we were when he and I were married.  Both of us have had other long term relationships and a marriage, but our significant  others have had to learn that the original bond that brought my ex and I together is a bond too strong to ever break.  We were in our 20's when we met and married.  We grew up together.  And we will grow old together, only in a different way than we originally planned.
    It's difficult for me to understand how some people are so bitter when they divorce that they spend years  trying to destroy their former spouse, either financially or emotionally.  Why?  Who's to gain from that?  Even in my own family, I have seen this happen.  It's such a waste of life!  Usually, it's the one who is hanging onto the bitterness and resentment is the one who is suffering, not the other one who has, most likely, moved on with his/her own life.    Life happens, not always the way we planned.  We cannot control events, but we CAN change or control how we react to those events.  It's a choice.
    "Divorce and death do not END relationships; they CHANGE relationships."  (Harold Ivan Smith)  My ex and I have made the conscious decision to stay in each others'  lives until death do us part.  After all, that's what we promised one another so many years ago.  I wish the same for all of you who are divorced or are thinking of divorce.  I know this may be an impossibility in some cases,  and for legitimate reasons, but,  IF it is at all possible, your kids will be forever grateful that you both made this choice to remain friends, or, at the very least, friendly.