STILL LEARNING AT MIDDLE AGE!

    Being middle aged has its' challenges.  On the one hand, we may be free of day to day parenting (altho with multiple marriages now, this might not even be true!), we're feeling free to travel or try totally new ventures, but then two things get in the way:  our bodies start to show wear and tear and may need replacement parts (!) and our parents become elderly and need our help more than ever before.  Gail Sheehy calls it the "collision of life stages."
    As with all of life, it's our attitude that makes the difference.  We can either look upon this period as a drag or as a blessing (or a mixture of both!)  I will choose to look at the bright side, since I am a notorious optimist.  This is an opportunity to reconnect with our parents, sharing strengths and vulnerabilities that we weren't able to or wouldn't allow ourselves to do, before now.
   No doubt about it, tho, it's a real learning curve!  Our parents have always taken care of US, worried about US, given US advice and now, the tables have turned.  It's almost like THEY are the kids and WE are the adults!  That mind shift can be mind numbing.
   I'm in the midst of this now myself, along with several of my friends.  The common denominator with us is that our parents don't live anywhere near us.  How do we protect and take care of them when we are so far away?  Move them closer to us and take them out of their familiar surroundings?  One friend has chosen this route and feels as if she is taking care of an infant, because her 95 year old dad is, understandably, like a fish out of water and totally at her mercy.  He's not happy and neither is she, (for now), but she felt this was the best choice, rather than his being alone, so far away.  The worst part for her is that before he made the move, at her insistence, she had finally retired, after working all of her adult life, and she was ready to PLAY!  Unfortunately, recess has been postponed.
    My parents, on the other hand, are struggling with health issues,  none of their kids lives in the same city and my folks refuse to move.  They always valued their independence.  They chose to move away from their kids and grandkids, to live in a warmer climate where they could enjoy my dad's retirement.  That worked for many years..... but it's not working now.  They still have their independence, they still have the warm climate, but now my dad is the sole caregiver of my mother, who is losing her memory......and he's 92!
   So, we siblings are doing the best we can by visiting our folks more than we ever have before and skyping, so we can actually see that they are OK and not just hear them say so on the phone.  My dad is wonderful at keeping in touch by email, which is a real gift, but sometimes his words break my heart and I can't give him the hug that he so needs at that moment.
   And being the ages that we, ourselves, are, we have our own set of issues:  my one brother just became an empty nester of an only child and is struggling with that life transition, my sister is having a partial knee replacement, my other brother is working middle of the night shifts and I am trying to get all of my parents' papers and affairs in order, feeling that I'm in a race against the clock, so I'm peddling as fast as I can.  
    So, as much as middle age can be an exciting time where we might learn new skills, get involved in new causes, learn a new language, run for office, write a book, enjoy our grandchildren, start a new business, etc., it can also be a time when our hopes and new dreams might suddenly  have to do an about face.  Either a significant other, our parents or even ourselves may need serious help.  Sheehy says, in her book, Passages in Caregiving, "The world of caregiving is initially as foreign to some people as life on another planet, yet, caregiving is a predictable crisis, a likely event so scary that we prefer to consider it unlikely."  But that time has come, for many of us, and I'm up for the challenge.  But please allow me to vent along the way!  And feel free to share your experiences, also!