WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHERE ARE YOU FROM? WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?

    First off, please accept my apologies for not writing on this blog the entire summer!!  I have no idea where the time went!  But I'm back and I plan to be here on a regular basis, so please check in!

    I have several relatives who are in the process of sending their children off to college now, so many that I felt I just had to blog about it.  Some are sending their only child off and others, their last- but all for the first time.  There are mixed emotions, losses and changes all around: from the child (tho he/she is not really a child anymore!) and from the parents.  In fact, this may have to be a two parter!

   So much goes on with this rite of passage.  Here's just a sample:  We've raised our kids to (hopefully) become independent, confident human beings.  But we didn't realize the time would REALLY come when they would be leaving us to do just that!  And how did we get to middle age so fast ourselves? Looking back to when we were THEIR age, and the whole world was in front of US, did our hopes and dreams for ourselves, for the lives we planned, pan out as we envisioned?  Parents AND kids are in flux at the same time, each on the precipice of something new, exciting, frightening and sad.  Separating and letting go, separating and letting go- a constant theme throughout life-but at this stage, especially difficult, because most people don't realize that this particular time has its' own set of dramatic or traumatic set of losses.

    For the "child," he or she is losing the safety and security of home, routines, parental boundaries, familiarity of the hometown, school and friends.  Now, the world is wide open for him/her to make his/her own choices, many, many, many choices!  Sometimes, so many choices that they can be overwhelming: drugs, alchohol, sex, sorority or fraternity, food, sleep (or not!), courses, majors....  And with choices, come pressure.  Lots and lots of pressure!

   Try to see through the eyes of a freshman college student: I'm leaving behind everything I know and everyone familiar to spend the next four years in this strange new world; I was homecoming Queen, cheerleader, football captain, class president, voted most popular, etc. but no one knows or cares here;  I have to share this small room with a total stranger who probably has completely different habits than I do; I have so much work to do, but there are so many other things that look like fun!  I can go out when I want, eat what and when I want, sleep when I want, talk to whomever I want, and my parents will only know what I tell them.  Routines and rhythm of life at home- out the window!  Can you say exhausting? Exhilarating? Or what about just plain overwhelming?!  It's like trying everything on for size and then seeing what fits and tossing out the rest.  Experimentation is necessary, but taken to the extreme, is dangerous.  Where to draw the line?  How to say no?  

   Which brings us back to the loss of the safety and security of what was enjoyed or experienced for the last 18 years.  Now everything is new, exciting, stimulating.......frightening, confusing. stressful.  Newfound freedom also brings on more responsibility;  independence can heighten one's insecurity; promise and potential can quickly change to disappointment.  Wow!  Our kids may be shedding some tears, but do they stem from happiness, sadness or, most likely, both?!  And what about the happy/sad tears from the parents?  Next blog!